I said I was struggling

It really does all come down to you're confidence level, the more confident you are the more your ego enlarges.


That's when you say things you were thinking but knew you shouldn't say but it just came out, and then you end up apologising cos you feel terrible (and so you should, you're not meant to say those things), where am I going with this.....I dunno haha no really it's a fine line between being confident and being egotistical.....and that's what I'm struggling with.


So, my solution is I'm making the effort to either say something nice about at least one person a day.....or I'm trying to smile to at least one person a day. Do you realise the effect a smile can have on someone, it really is like they say....contagious but once you do they feel better and so do you, really I think this world could benefit from more smiles and more positiveness.


It absolutely amazes me how for example a beautiful women could be told every complement under the sun and she will brush it off you know not think much of it....think they are just being nice but then you have one person say something negative and she takes it on board completely....honestly the effect of positive and negative comments, is just....wow. You know it's ok to accept some of those good complements. It doesn't make you selfish or up yourself..........

Intro to.....this

Remember, at school......those girls who are most popular, most pretty & most slender (and most probably been rode alot), yeah I remember them. In drama for example, lead role goes to who? you guessed it those girls when clearly I could of done a better job, but unfortunately I was not slender, or popular I did have a pretty face though and massive boobs (obviously) and so I did not get that part. Or maybe you remember on the bus trip to or from school those girls who could get the whole bus started on calling you fat names, some were quite clever but all were cruel.....



Don't me wrong this isn't blogging of the sad and emo (well kind of emo as in there may be some emotions in it) type, but I'm sure those of us that were fat (I won't be sugar coating anything my darlings) had this experince or similar or worst. Really, I'm just establishing a background (1 of many) of sorts.



Now, I'm not sure if this is in everyone's case but certainly in mine, I always thought (swore) to myself that when I was as slender as those girls I would never be as cruel or nasty to other's who were fat. I would remain that humbleness, that kindness, that support that came from being constantly put down or dissed as we called it back then, actually I'm sure there was 'shame' and 'Oo chop' in there to somewhere...sorry off topic a bit but you know I thought when I get fit, I won't turn into a snob, I won't think I'm better then those who are bigger, be rude etc etc...............well I tell you what; I was fat, now not so much, and it is the biggest struggle to not be rude, or think I'm better then other's and it all comes down to your confidence level.